JIJIK part 1

assalamualaikum..
merujuk kepada entry2 emo yg lepas,sekarang aku sudah move on..untuk selama2 nya...
entry ini aku dedikasikan untuk engkau yg aku xtau dah nk pggl ape...
ko tau kan aku sakit?
ko tau x mcm mne aku skit ble aku tau?
ko kte ko rtespect aku?
X! KO TIPU AKU KO TIPU DIRI KO.jgn slhkan org sekelilingh yg jadi penyebab sbb ko dah besar panjang and hot pulak tu..ko harus tau consequence ats ape yg ko wat.
ko ckp senang nk end up baek2...FUCK U.
KO SNANG CKP SBB KO MMG X RSE PAPE PON,KONON KO DA sacrifice perasaan ko..pegi la mati.ko nak wat cam ko jd mgsa keadan.pegila mampos.
weh,aku mrah yg teramat sgt ngn ko ni.aku x ksh jd dayus klu bnd tu bole ajar ko jgn maen2 kan perasaan org..
mayb ko x rse ape2 sbb ko hot cantek,petik jari,chat2 kat ym berderet kot yg dtg menyembah isap ibu jari kaki ko..
ptotla ko x nak tgkp even picture ngn aku,2 x kshla sbb aku pon x la kebulur sgt bergambar ngn ko...
aku menyesal n aku JIJIK weh buang mase tenaga ringgit kat ko.

jgn nk ckp byk klu kwn2 aku mengata ko mcm2 sbb ko rse dgn ape yg ko dah wat maki tu a ku rse x ckup we..
belajarla weh hormat perasaan org yang syang kat ko n jgn bg harapan klu ko awl2 x nak..senang cter,skrg ko da wat bnd ni cam drama swasta.STANDING OVATION untuk ko.
patotla ko mcm jijik ngn aku rupenye ko mmg betul2 jijik.aku plak cam org bodoh terhegeh2 kat ko..aku malu.ko tau x aku malu?
klu ko ckp ko ske kat besfren aku awl2 pon aku x ksh,ni ko da wat dy pon skali pissed off.
ko ni psycho la weh.
tp aku pcaye wat goes around come around..
pegi jahanamla family ko pesume suke kat aku tu pon nista ko jgk.smalam ptg ko bru ckap ko rndu aku then mlm ko ckap len.MUNAFIQ!


KO nak kte jadi kawan kan?
skolah mne ko blaja da lpas ape yg ko wat aku leh sronok2 jadi kawan baek ngn ko?
skolah menipu ko ajar kot.
kawan2 aku soh aku benci ko,n dorg btol sbb dorg tau mcmne aku ni da syg kat ko.
n jgn pernah salahlkan dorg sbb ni sume salah ko..
dulu aku slalu rse sume benda x kene tu salah aku tp skrg aku lega bkn sbb aku nak tuding jari tp ko rse aku nk tuding jari kt muke aku ke?
ok la mmg padan la ngn muke aku sbb cpt sgt syg kat org..ko tgk ko layan aku cam taik pon aku leh syg kat ko ko kan?


tlg muhasaabah la weh....
nty aku sambung lagi sbb kol 3 ni kne g meeting...

move on...

should i.....?



isnt it too early?



isnt it too late?



there is neither clarification nor crystalisation...



should i wait?



i am not a prince charming...



i am frog prince....



dis silent relationship is killing me softly gently but deep hurtedly...



dis is not sweet n dis is hell fucking mess..tq.

deepika an kareena..

miss engineer and miss refugee protector....

i miss u both....


p/s: rindu kak maria,abg hairi,kak faiz,dodot(motif?).kak jimi n abg iju...

2nd boring day...

hari ni xde ape yg bertambah tp aku sempat tdo sambil mngadap polisi kejadah ni...
biasala...
g lunch td aku mberanikan diri membeli sekotak rokok dunhill 14 tp aku xtau nak isap katne sbb ble ofis mate senior tnye spe merokok aku x mengaku sbb tkot klu2 dy kenal bapak aku...
aku isap kat garden..agk heaven berlatarkan lautan kereta yg ade kat COE ni...
yen kte dorg nak g maen ice skating then nak p williams...
kuang aja kan korg...hahahha
xpe,papa mencari rezeki yg utk korg...


hmmmmmmm...skrg entry emos plak?
r uready?
aku x tau nak wat pe.....?
k aku tny korg,klu korg rindu kat org ape korg wat,btau org tu kan?
tp aku x rse nak btau tp aku nak btau...
korg aku cube nak berhati batu tp tu bukan aku.
d mana patut aku mulekan?
klu x wat pape ade la suara2 yang dok kate" ape pny boyfren la...."
klu spe yg ckp camtu xtau kondisi aku aku akan letop muke korg ngan bom yg letop altantuya tu...
mgkn aku emo sbb aku tlalu lme memendam rase kot..salah aku jgk..
patot ke aku biar bnd ni camni je?
ke nak biar serah pade takdir?
ke ade cam telepati connection yg leh connect ktorg klu ktorg x communicate...

kdg2 aku rse cam tehegeh2 pon ade...
ade satu ayt ni msh tbuku jd darah beku dalam ati aku sbnrnye....
'amek gambar ngn u?watpe?"
mgkn yg ckp ni akan lupe tp bukan aku...
hey,u knoe y?
cos u r someone special n every words that u uttered will effectively effect me...
oooppps sory..
its again not a big deal n aku je yg besar2 kan bnda ni....
sorry...
again...
aku penat dok kate bnda ni sbnrnye...


ble aku ingin satu ruang itu diisi bkn hanya secara zahir tp juga dr segi lahiriah...
tetapi sekarng tiada lahiriah tiada zahiriah...
wlu pon begitu aku slalu bsyukur sbb msh ade org2 di sisi aku yg mengisi ruang kosong itu...terima kaseh byk..
dgn korg aku x perlu tggu someone special to please me as u guys cheer me up even with mere existence...
u guys are priceless cos u love me unconditionalyy and without putting any benchmark for me to achieve.i just be me myself...
n im tired n exhausted of pleasing....

heartless state..tq.

lap da start...
internet connection dpt tp xleh bkk fb...
boring...
arini xwat pape...pg datng salam sume org pastu advisor letak sebeban litigation and general advisory file soh bace...
apekah?


aku x rase ape2 weh...aku x rase ape2...aku jadi immune camni...
sblm ni aku ade rase tp mcm ade bvnda yg turn it off..salah aku ke?
ntahla....aku da xde rase...
heartlesss...
and its not a big deal...
so dont you ever bother as i now start not to bother....

god...
i miss mumu,yen,syafa,hezman,akub,ain,shima,numera aifa,rosna,aisya...
pls take a gud care of them...
god...
i miss her....
but its not a big deal though...

ntahla...

ntah....ntah...ntah....
ko rse...
aku marah...sedih...sronok...gembira...
mmg ponn..hehehehe.

MEEHOON GORENG PEDAS..

to all my fans(hahaha)..
ni bru ade mse nk update blog n its due to my promise yang this blog will be updated when i found my right person...

MAKCIK...
ktorg sekelas dri public speaking class lg and klu da jodoh x kemane..(haha)
klas event mgmnt pon skali even ktorg laen course(jodoh kan?)
i must thank to syapa cos dy yg initiate to match us up...(thank you very much syafa)
makcik ni ske sgt mkn meehoon,dy xleh minum coffee sbb dy ade migrain,n i knoe her sensitive part....(syyyy...),slalu target kat ctu klu xnak bg dye tdo...hahaha(korg jgn pk kotor k.)
dye ni kuat majuk....(hai...letihla nak pujuk...makcik jgn salu majuk eh..)
makcik ni x biase overnyte tp i yg ajar dy ovenyte..sian dy,arini dy nyaris accident sbb ngntok tyme drive..(makcik makcik...)
dy xnak i risau so dy x btau i,n ble i tau xkanla i x risau...

ive met her family..
bapak dye mcm garang tp baek..
mak dye cantek..(org kate nk tgk bini kte waktu tua kne tgk mak dye,so ble tgk mak dy i x risau..hahaha)...
cousin dye pon baek n friendly n pakcik dye sgt la byk ckp lg2 bab2 politik ni..dorg borak i tsipu je sbb x amek tau sgt politik pny hal sbnrnye..
satu hari tu dye merajuk x angkat kol x reply msg...(risau gle..)
mayb i gurau lbh2..i apology...(jgn wat camtu lg eh,coz its totally freaking n worrying me out)
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

i nak u tau yg i maybe not as perfect as other men,not as rich as them,not as smart as them not as whatever people's definition of a right guy but this is just me...
i can be nobody and i just can be myself, n ure now having me as me..
and i need someone to fill any of my hole where i cannot fill it myself..
and ini semua kerja tuhan n i always pray for the verY best of us...
AMIN...